After Thirty Years
by Sailor Panda
Summary: Ever wonder what other people would have to say about your relationship after thirty years? Well, here's one couple that doesn't, much to the amusement of one and the complete disgust of the other. Alt. pairing.


_AUTHOR'S NOTE: A one-shot written because I needed to be distracted from my other YYH, IY, and FB fics, which I'm sort of blocked on as I delve into Naruto. Also, because I wanted something funny, something cute, and – most of all – something short that took a peek into the realities of what an unusual relationship like this might entail by showing, not telling, through dialogue alone. Yes, I do like to experiment._

_No beta reader for this one so any mistakes found are purely my own. It was a quick write, but I like it quite a bit and hope you find something to like about it too._

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"The tramp."

"Naoko, your language!"

"Hmph! It's just what the situation calls for. Really! A woman of her age gallivanting around with that youngster is ridiculous."

"Naoko…"

"No, no, no. Eri, I paid good money for a ticket to this event and these old eyes of mine shouldn't have to put up with being contaminated by this kind of indecency!"

"Maybe they're in love."

"Right. And I'm sixteen again."

"It could happen. Erm, being in love, I mean. Age doesn't matter as much to the younger generation as it did in our days."

"And the money and sex help, I'm sure."

"Oh, Naoko. You really think that's all he's in it for?"

"Don't be ridiculous. With them, he's just in it for the money. She's the one in it for the sex."

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"Rina, look! Cutie at two o'clock!"

"Your two o'clock or mine?"

"Oh, for-! Over there, by the buffet table."

"Which one is it, Miho?"

"The one with the spiky black hair."

"The short one?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Major hottie."

"Definitely a dish. Kind of short for my tastes though."

"Details, details. Looks like he could go all night and that's good enough for me."

"Hmm. But what if he's already got someone?"

"Let's tail him and find out."

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"Hiruto, did you hear that boy mouth off to me?"

"Yes, I did. I couldn't believe it."

"Hmph! Acting like he knew more about the events at the turn of the millennium than I did."

"Why, he couldn't have been more than a speck in his mother's womb."

"I tell you, this younger generation of ours doesn't have the proper respect for its elders. And _he_ had the gall to tell me he was older than I am!"

"Lying brat."

"Damn right. I would have boxed his ears proper and set him straight if he hadn't gone scurrying back to that woman as soon as she'd called."

"She should have taught her son some manners."

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"Disgusting! Honestly, the nerve of some people!"

"What is it, Mayumi?"

"There, Kyoko. They're impossible to miss."

"Wh-? Oh! Oh, my."

"You see?"

"B-but she's so… And he looks so-"

"Exactly. Someone should notify the police!"

"N-now, Mayumi, calm down. I know the way it looks but…he's obviously of age. It's just the company that makes him seem younger than he probably is."

"And what does it say about the company they keep?"

"Well, maybe it's not what it seems. Maybe they're siblings. She could be his older sister."

"Or he could be a gigolo."

"Mayumi!"

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"Think that's his mother?"

"But, Miho. They don't look anything alike."

"Who else could she be?"

"But why would a hunk like that come with his mother?"

"Maybe he was planning on meeting someone here."

"Oh? Like you?"

"Maybe. Why don't we go find out?"

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"Shinji! I thought I told you to refill the punch bowl."

"You did, sir."

"Then why haven't you refilled it?!"

"There were people in front of it."

"Who-? What? Those siblings? Why didn't you just ask them to move?"

"I couldn't, sir."

"Well, why the hell not?!"

"Because, sir, I didn't want to die."

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"Did you see that? He kissed her!"

"Did not."

"Did, too. Right on the mouth. And she kissed him back."

"Are you sure it wasn't a playful peck?"

"Playful peck? Miho, where do you get this stuff?"

"Romance novels, of course."

"I think you'd better start concentrating more on your schoolbooks."

"Forget that. Boys are more interesting."

"But- Oh, look. He's heading for the bar."

"Okay, time for me to make my move. Watch me."

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"What a lovely couple."

"You think they're together, Misha?"

"Well, he is rather young for her."

"Rather."

"But they're obviously very much in love."

"You think so? It looks one-sided to me."

"Nonsense! I'm sure he's just a bit shy, is all. Like you before we married, dear."

"If you say so."

"Hmm, I wonder how long they've been married."

"Not long, unless she married him right out of the cradle."

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"Excuse me."

"What?"

"I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?"

"No."

"If it's about your mother, don't worry. I'm sure she won't mind."

"Who?"

"You know, that lady you were with. Your mother."

"That. Is. My. _Wife_."

"No way! You have got to be kidding me, right? Your _wife_?! Seriously?"

"Do you want to die?"

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"How long have you been married, dear?"

"Oh, a little over thirty years now."

"How admirable! Most people today barely stay together for three."

"I know, but my husband is pretty stubborn. Once he decides to make a commitment, he sticks with it no matter how bad things get."

"Oh, my. Seems like things have gone bad before."

"Well, there was a rough spot we hit at the start of our relationship when my ex got involved."

"Ex-husband?"

"No. Fiancé."

"What happened?"

"He decided he wanted me back. My husband…really didn't take that well."

"Sounds dangerous."

"You have no idea."

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"Rina! Hide me!"

"What? What happened?"

"He's going to kill me!"

"Who? Your hottie?"

"Uh-uh, no way am I claiming that violent psycho!"

"Did you do something to tick him off, Miho?"

"Me? I didn't do anything! I just mentioned that woman and-"

"Oh, please. Tell me you didn't insult his mother?"

"Shh! Don't say that out loud – he'll hear you!"

"Say what?"

"The 'M' word."

"What? Mother? What's wrong with-?"

"Isn't his mother."

"Then who-?"

"That's his wife!"

"No."

"Yes! He told me himself."

"Eww. Can you say gross?"

"Yes. But not where he can hear us - he'll go crazy and kill us all!"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Geez. Find a hunk and he turns out to be a violent loony. Not to mention that the hot guy prefers older women. Life's so unfair."

"Tell me about it."

"Hmm, but sometimes cuteness can win over craziness. Do you think he can be stolen away?"

"It's your funeral."

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"I want to leave."

"What? No 'hello'?"

"I want to leave. I got you your drink, so drink and let's go. Now."

"Alright, what happened this time?"

"This is annoying."

"Well, I told you that you didn't have to come."

"You came."

"Of course I did. I was hired to be the coordinator for this function. I had to come. You, on the other hand…I know you don't like these types of functions and I was more that willing to come on my own."

"Dressed like that? No. I don't trust other men."

"Now, really. At my age, no one looks at me like that anymore."

"I do."

"I mean other men besides you."

"That _boy_ did."

"Now, really. He was just doing his job."

"Ogling my wife is no one's job but mine."

"You don't ogle. You glare – not a shining example for our children, I might add. And he wasn't ogling. He was politely trying to get us to move so that he could refill the punch bowl. There was no need to threaten him like that. Or display your macho possessiveness by kissing me senseless."

"You kissed me back."

"Er, well…that was…that's beside the point!"

"Everything here is pointless. I want to leave."

"So you've already said. But you haven't said _why_."

"You have not heard the conversations."

"Hmm. Well, I think I heard the word 'tramp' mentioned somewhere. And something about an older sister somewhere else."

"One foolish human believed you to be my mother. Idiot!"

"Now, stay calm. I think now would be a good time to go over that little lecture about trying to eavesdrop on people's conversations, especially since they tend to upset you so."

"My hearing is not that of a human's. I have no need of trying to eavesdrop. And I did not hear it in passing – the human said it straight to my face."

"I trust said human is still in one piece?"

"Yes."

"You don't have to sound so displeased over that."

"I'll keep my promise. Just remember to keep yours."

"I'm sure you'll remind me. You're such a sweety like that."

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

"Well, you don't like to be called 'honey.'"

"Keiko…"

"Buttercup?"

"I'm warning you. Don't play games with me right now."

"Of course not, Hiei. We'll save that later."

"Later?"

"After we get home. A promise is a promise, after all…"


End file.
